an open letter to my friends from berlin

part 2. Lou

Lou:

I will probably cry writing this, but that’s okay, you’ll do too, I know you will.

You were my first friend, I remember your big smile and your cute “hi” when we met for the first time. I was writing something in my journal, it was September 3rd, my uncle knocked on my door and asked me if I wanted to go to a party, I was so confused, it was a Sunday afternoon.

So, I said yes, and I’m so happy I did, there you were, standing on my living room, smiling at me, we started talking and getting to know each other, we had so much in common, you were so funny and so cute.

We went to this party, which turns out was a fashion week kinda thing, it was so confusing for me, because I had never seen something like that, but I had the best time, it was so much fun hanging out with you.

I found out we were neighbors, and we were gonna see each other pretty often, and we did.

I have so many wonderful memories with you, so many bad decisions too, you are always there for me, and you’re so strong, I admire you a lot, you always make me laugh with your weird humor and your inappropriate jokes, but I love that about you.

I wish we had spent more time together, I wish we had more sleepovers, I wish we could be together again, I wish we could’ve said goodbye.

I will never forgive myself for that, you know, my heart will always feel heavy, cause I didn’t get to hug you one last time, I didn’t get to say I love you, it hurts when I think about it.

But I know we’ll meet again, I just know we will.

Its weird sometimes, not having you around, I see all sorts of things that remind me of you, it’s weird that I cant cross the street and come to your house, it’s weird not inviting you over for coffee, or tea, cause you’re not fond of coffee anyway, it’s weird not skipping classes and going to your place, cooking pasta and blasting music, it’s weird not going to the parks with you, drinking wine, its weird not asking you to come pick up the kids with me, it’s weird not giving each other haircuts, or dyeing our hair, it’s weird.

But I guess you get used to it, or that’s what you’re supposed to do anyway, maybe not forget about it, cause, how could you? but maybe thinking about it will hurt a little less sometimes, it still doesn’t though.

I miss you, and I can’t say that enough.

When I went to Germany, I didn’t think I would make such great friends, yeah, I thought that I would meet a few people, but I didn’t think that a part of my heart would stay with them, you have a tiny piece of my heart, and it’s yours to keep.

I want you to know that you’re enough and you’re precious and anyone that has you in your life is lucky.

Thank you for everything you’ve done for me, I wish we can meet soon.

I love you.