my gay journey

hi.

so, my sexuality, it's been a journey, to say the least.

i think it would be easier to start from the beggining, i grew up in a very open minded, loving household, my parents never used homophobic slurs or treated someone different because they were gay, i was lucky.

i also saw gay people from an early age, one of my mom's best friends is a gay man, so i knew what it was and i never had a problem with it.

the first time i was exposed to the internet was around 2012 i think, it was my escape, also it was how i learned to speak english, but that's a whole different story.

one of the first youtubers that i watched was tyler oakley, an openly gay man, his positive aura and funny remarks pulled me in and i became a fan inmediately. tyler introduced me to a whole bunch of youtubers who were a part of the community or where allies, i started to get familiarized with the names, the history, the labels and i was confused for a long time.

i remember watching a particular video by buzzfeed, titled "Things Bisexual People Are Tired of Hearing", i remember watching it on my mom's computer and i was so scared of her asking what i was watching, i was scared.

i started to develop feelings for one of my closest friends and i will admit that it scared me for a while, i didn't hate myself for this feelings but i was scared of her rejecting me, or calling me weird, or something worse. i did however tell two of my best friends at the time about this, i remember being so nervous, we were in class and they were sitting besides me, i took a piece of paper and i wrote "i'm bi", they were supporting and caring and i'm forever grateful for them.

this was around the time where i was being bullied for the way i looked and i didn't want to add something else in the mix, so i took my feelings, my sexuality and put them in a little box, and hid them from the world.

as time passed i convinced myself that it was all a phase, that i was confused and my crush faded away.

i continued to have male crushes, never a relationship but i was certain i liked boys.

now, everything changed when i went to germany. i met a lot of people from different backgrounds, different nationalities, different sexualities.

i knew bisexual people existed, i had never met one though, and in berlin, i met tons. i was so excited to meet and be around queer people, and i decided i was ready to open my sexuality box, i was ready to come out. i'm not sure who i came out to first, it was probably my friends in germany, just because i had them closer.

when i came out to my friends i knew i was going to be okay, i knew they were going to accept and love me, but there was still a little part of me that bombarded me with fear, "what if they don't invite me to sleepovers anymore?", "what if they think im checking them out?", "what if i make them uncomfortable?, what if.

that, fortunately, never happened, i was surrounded by positivity and acceptance, people showered me with love and open arms.

when i told my parents i was scared, i didn't want to make a big deal out of it, i didn't want to have a "meeting" or seat them all at a table and say "mom, dad im gay", so i texted them, and they told me they loved me.

i haven't told my extended family, i don't have a real reason as to why, i have some very religious relatives, and i don't think they would be thrilled by the idea of me being gay, i think i'll only tell them if im in a relationship with a woman and i want to introduce her to them, but unless that happens i feel like that conversation is unnecessary.

i'm happy and im fortunate to have such an amazing community surrounding me, and i understand i have privilege, because not all parents are accepting, and not all friends are supportive, im glad i have this people in my life, i wouldn't be alive if it wasn't by them.

so, that's my story, and i want you to know that if you're queer and you're in the closet, you're still valid, you are loved and you don't have to come out to celebrate pride, and to people that are out, im also proud of you, for being brave.

let's live full, honest, proud lives, filled with love, support and acceptance, we never know what people are going through, let's spread love and kindness for everyone.

be gay! do crimes! (or not).....